Change
by Yumi Riko 1995
Summary: If I had died, will you then realise how much you loved me...or how much you didn't? TezuSaku maybe a bit OOC
1. Chapter 1

_If I died, I wonder if you'll realise how much you loved me,_

 _or how much you didn't..._

A lone tear ran down the man's cheek as her words repeated itself again and again in his head. It has been 5 years since she left. 5 years full of regrets and of 'what if's and also... 5 years he had been without a woman.

He still remembered the last look on her face before she left. Then, he assumed that she would return as she always had after a few days. He knew that she loved him and he loved her but he was foolish and self centred. He always chose things like tennis or training or his teammates over her because he knew that whatever he did, she would stay. In the end, she would try to understand and then proceed to forgive him and he had taken advantage of that.

Sometimes, he wished that he could remember how it felt when she kissed him goodbye that day or the feeling of her tiny body holding him. He remembered how she tried not to cry in front of him. She had always been like that. Considerate of his feelings till the very end. Did she want him to tell her to stay? Would she have if he asked? If the other times when she did break down, if he truly tried to make her happy instead of returning to his past habits, would she even thought about leaving?

 _We can't keep doing this.. I give up, Tezuka-senpai. You need someone else who can understand you more than I will ever do.._

If he had caught her hand before she left the door, would she have stayed? Would she still get up before him, make him breakfast according to the diet set by Inui, make his coffee, prepare his lunch and welcome him home with the smell of delicious home food from the kitchen like it had been for the 3 years before that? Why had he taken advantage of her love and her soul? He took for granted that she would always be there and after a while, stopped putting that much effort into their relationship. She was always complacent to his needs and he tried to be complacent with hers but he was too focused on other things. Other things that now mean so little to him.

 ***Mou! Kunimitsu-kun, matte yo!** *

The tennis king chuckled sadly at the sound of his personal phone's ringtone. Back to the days before they moved in together and to the days in high school, they were happy. He was even playful with her sometimes. He secretly recorded her with his phone just to annoy her at the time. Now, it was the only way he could hear her voice. He closed his eyes as the ringtone closed in on the end before it repeats.

* **... I love you...** *

It was one of the first few times she said it. He could still remember how she blushed bright red with a pout when she said that and then glowed radiantly when he kissed her forehead in response. He remembered how he held her hand tightly and proudly as he walked her back to her grandmother's house.

Swallowing his saliva in his throat the the tears that threatened to fall, he picked up the phone.

"Momoshiro."

"Buchou, you need to come to Seigaku Primary School now. I would tell you over the phone but I think this is something you have to see for yourself."

Tezuka let a tired tone enter his voice. Ever since she left, he started to let slip on how emotionally broken he was to his high school teammates.

"I do not have the time for idle things like that, Momoshiro."

"Just come. You won't regret it. If you do, I'll drink Inui's new improved formula." This made Tezuka curious. Momoshiro was not the type of person who would just volunteer to drink Inui's experiments especially after Inui graduated with a masters in Biochemistry.

"I'll be there."

Maybe watching Momoshiro suffer will get his mind off things.


	2. Chapter 2

Fuji, Inui, Kikumaru and Oishi were at a strip club for Horio's bachelor party when they saw a girl that looked very familiar. Too familiar.

This girl was made up over the top much like all of her other colleagues that were serving drinks around and getting hit on. Her auburn hair was teased and her make up covered her face like a thick mask (in Fuji's opinion anyway, the others barely cared). Her foundation was thick but professionally applied and looked picture perfect however the smudges under her smoky eyes and the wear on the her lipstick indicates that this girl had been working for a long period of time before their arrival and have not had a break in a while or else she would have touched up her make up. She was also slightly limping in her high black stiletto heels. She wore no jewellery except for the simple necklace on her neck that seemed to crash or at least go against to what the look was going for. It was a simple elegant circle that encircle a diamond with an exceptional shade of pink that Fuji was extremely familiar with. He would be after going store after store with his best friend to search for that particular pendent.

Granted, she was not wearing something as revealing as the dancers on stage but it was not exactly what you would call decent either. She was wearing a cotton halter neck red top that cropped above her belly button and short light denim hot pants that were extremely low on her hips. However, when she saw them, she felt bit self-conscious and covered herself up with one of her co-worker's cheap sliver sequined jacket that was thrown over at the bar (hers was too far in the locker room). She wanted to pretend that they got the wrong person but one look in their eyes and she knew that it was impossible. They recognised her immediately.

Ryuzaki Sakuno changed. That's the first thing that her senpai-tachi noticed. Her eyes were dull and lifeless and lost the innocence that used to linger in them. Her body matured even further since 5 years ago when they last saw her. Breasts larger, hips wider. They all would have been happy to see her, if not for the location and her state of dress.

To her senpai's surprise, her eyes were wide with shock before putting on a show of a practiced relaxed smile. Even though she looked completely at ease now, Inui could see the strain in her smile as her muscles around her face were tight with nervousness.

"Hello, senpai-tachi. How are we all this evening?"

"Sakuno-chan, why the hell are you here?" Fuji demanded, furious. Sakuno's eyes hardened.

"I'm working, Fuji-senpai. Is that not obvious? This is a men's club, you know. I am not a child anymore and you have no right to disturb me while I'm working." Sakuno replied in an empty voice. She did not even sound mad or upset.. Just empty.

"NYAAAA BUT WHY HERE SAKU-" Sakuno slapped a hand over Kikumaru's mouth.

"Please keep quiet, Kikumaru-senpai. We're not supposed to use our real names here. I'll get in trouble" Sakuno quickly hushed her senior. Kikumaru recovered from the shock and nodded.

"Airi-chan, can you cover for me here?" Sakuno called out to one of her co-workers.

"Yeah sure, Kiko! Come back soon, okay? Some customers are specifically looking for you!" Her friend called back with a wink.

"Okay. Thanks a lot!" Sakuno called back with a fake smile before motioning her senpais to follow her through the side entrance to exit the club. She sat down on the stairs of the club and pulled her legs up so that her head rested on her knees and looked at her senpais staring down at her. It was silent for a long while with the males just staring at her. They were at a lost of words. After years and years of searching for her on their captain's behalf, here they were at the downtown of Tokyo, looking at the once modest-looking and cheerful girl sitting on the dirty floor. They jolted a bit when she finally spoke.

"Do not tell Tezuka please." Her voiced sounded just as empty as it did when she first greeted them. When her friends' mouths opened to object, she continued on, "If you tell him, there will be no talk here and I'll move somewhere else and you will never find me again." She raised her head and stared at them hard until they nodded, seeing no other way to convince her otherwise. Except Kikumaru.

"Neh why not, Sakuno-chan? Buchou has been looking for you all over the place and he's been extra mean! You should come back and talk some sense into him! He's become a real Spartan when we meet up for 'friendly' tennis games and it's like middle school all over again except 1000 times worst!" Kikumaru whined, bouncing from one leg to another. Surprising to them, Sakuno smiled a little when Kikumaru mentioned that. Albeit, it was a sad smile but it was kind of a positive response that their little junior and their buchou still maybe had a chance if she misses him? But just as quickly as that smiled appeared, it was gone. Gone too fast and now her face looked guarded and she responded calmly.

"He wouldn't… Agree…and he will come to this club and cause a scene. I'm making decent money in this club and finding another one again would be troublesome." Sakuno spoke slowly, as if carefully selecting her words to answer them. As if she was hiding something.

"Why here? Does Ryuzaki-sensei know about this?" Inui probed carefully. Sakuno looked at him levelly, carefully selecting her words again in her head before answering him.

"Grandma doesn't know where I am. I didn't go home after I left." Sakuno played a bit with her fingers as she thought of her grandma fondly, "She probably would be really mad that I'm doing this... She knows I'm no longer living with Tezuka but she thinks that I am living with An and she's been helping to cover for me." Her grandmother had left Japan to be a coach to Echizen Ryoma who currently reside in the states.

"And why here?" Oishi asked aggressively. He looked angry but Sakuno knows him better by their interaction while she was still with… him…

"Nobody finds anybody here. It's pretty much underground and plus they're paying me in cash under the table. This place also makes enough for me to meet my bills." Sakuno replied, looking down at her hands. Then she added on quietly, "And it's also a place that you guys don't frequent. I've seen Momo-senpai and Kaidoh-senpai here before for Momo-senpai's bachelor party but I just requested to serve the other part of the club so they never saw me."

'Why do you need so much money-"Inui started to ask but was cut off by Fuji.

"What about Tezuka?" Fuji asked, his azure eyes showing, stern. He always reminded Sakuno as the overprotective brother to her. She took a deep breath before replying.

"What about him?" Sakuno asked, her voice breaking though she tried so hard to keep it steady. She mentally smacked herself for still being emotional over someone who belonged to her past. At least, that's what she keeps telling herself, willing herself to believe it. That he belongs to her past. That She could no longer have him back or feel his comforting arms around her. That she can no longer have the peace that she longed for away from all these lights and noise.

"He misses you." Fuji came forward and squat down in front of her, his eyes no longer stern but filled with concern and confusion. He held her hands as if to keep her from running away, "He can't function properly without you, Sakuno-chan. You know that he loves you. Why not go home?" At this, her senpais were surprised to see her pull her hands firmly from his grip, put her head in her hands and started sobbing. She did not reply them.

The sounds of her sobs echoed the side alley. She no longer responded to her senpai's questions and only responded when her friend called 'Kiko' back in to serve her customers. When she left, 3 pair of eyes turned to Inui.

"My guess is that it's not that she doesn't want to go home. It's that she can't." Inui stated as he pulled out a green notebook from his dark grey jacket to start writing down these new facts about Sakuno. He's been meaning to find more information in regards to her for a while but had little or no leads or those that lead to dead ends. Now he knew why. He does not mix around much with people who spend their times in such establishments.

"Should we tell Tezuka-buchou?" Kikumaru asked, turning his eyes to Fuji, Tezuka's supposed best friend. Fuji shook his head.

"Like she said, he'll tear the club down looking for her. No, we'll ask her out after work to hang out during the daytime at somewhere public and we'll ask Momo to call Buchou down." Fuji replied.

"Why Momo?" Kikumaru asked, curious eyes on Fuji. Fuji gave a sadistic smile.

"So that if Sakuno-chan don't show up, at least Buchou might crack a smile from Momo drinking Inui's latest juice."


End file.
